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A few jokes
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Posted by: The OLE MAN

Mother & Daughter:

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.

He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date,the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying: "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

*************

Church: A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"

The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity."

The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put a thousand dollars in the offering plate!" "No shit!", replied the preacher.

*************

Pancakes:

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"

"Just take two," Brenda replied. "The rest are for your father."

*************

A Sign Of Change:

There were two old men sitting on a park bench passing the day away talking. One old man asked the other, "How is your wife?"

The second old guy replied, "I think she may be dead!"

The first man asked, "What do you mean you THINK she is dead?"

The second explained, "Well...the sex is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up."

*************

The Plane:

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese."

"No rike Chinese?" asks the copilot, "why not?"

"You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!"

"No, no," the copilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese."

"Japanese, Chines, Vietnamese... doesn't matter, you're all alike!"

There's a few minutes of silence. "No rike Jews!" the copilot suddenly announces.

"Why not?" asks the captain.

"Jews sink Titanic," the copilot responds.

"Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain, "It was an iceberg!"

"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, no mattah... all same!"

******************

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected a quart of milk, a carton of eggs, juice, and a package of bacon. As she was putting her items on the conveyer belt to check out, a drunk man standing behind her, watched as she placed her items in front of the cashier. The drunk said, "You must be single." The woman, a bit startled, but intrigued, looked at her four items on the belt, and seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections said, "Well, y'know, that's right. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk said "Cause you're uglier 'n shit."

The OLE MAN

Posted by: MikeT

Quote:

Originally Posted by The OLE MAN


	The Plane: A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese." "No rike Chinese?" asks the copilot, "why not?" "You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!" "No, no," the copilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese." "Japanese, Chines, Vietnamese... doesn't matter, you're all alike!" There's a few minutes of silence. "No rike Jews!" the copilot suddenly announces. "Why not?" asks the captain. "Jews sink Titanic," the copilot responds. "Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain, "It was an iceberg!" "Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, no mattah... all same!"

that a goo one!

Posted by: TNT

Fuck, it's been years since I've eaten pancakes. Guess I should make a few bigbatches this week.

Posted by: skeezix

Elton John is getting a divorce........

...........He caught his husband having sex behind his back!

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