1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my car won't start..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: (Wait for a second) With a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would YOU be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get blood out? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?"
9. Ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to their fellow employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang-up.
12. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number, you will call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Tell the telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder...louder...louder...
19. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write DOWN EVERY WORD.
20. Answer them like a TV game show host, making sure to say over and over, "i'm sorry the correct answer is.."
21. If one of them call, pretend that they are the 1,000,000th person who has called you and you need their address and phone number in order for them to claim their prize.
Posted by: JustaV6
hahahha
i dunno if i'd be able to do any of those without laughing haha
Posted by: skeezix
Posted by: Tang
Quote:
4. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: (Wait for a second) With a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
BAD idea, just ask Bill O'reily
Posted by: Adrenalin
I know its not flashy or witty, but I just say, and just as soon as I realize they are infact a telemarketer, "Add me to your do not call back list" then I always get a yessir, and goodbye immediately.
I rarely get telemarketer calls, because for one I am unlisted and nonpublished and I also wrote a letter and sent one copy to an address in North Florida and the other to another address in New York. I was given both of those addresses from an operator who told me about that service.
I may have gotten a total of 3-4 telemarketer calls all year.
Posted by: Slow Nova
My wife and I just tell them we're Jehovah's Witnesses. If they don't hang up right away, we tell them we have something much more valuable to offer them, than what they have to offer us....
Works like a charm, and sometimes we get someone that's actually interested in what we have to say.
Posted by: merczephyr
Depends on what mood I'm in when they call. Sometimes I just yell FUCK OFF!! YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!! by the time I get that out, they usually hang up. Another good one, is ask if they'll talk dirty to you while you jerk off. If not ask them to call back after you've had a little alone time.
If I'm in a bad mood (This is when Mrs. Merc likes to hand them off to me) I'll call them most any name in the book, cuss their and their employers ancestry, tell them I firmly believe all telemarketers should be shot at birth, etc.
Posted by: MikeT
could just do like me and not answer the phone.
Posted by: LS1 Mopar Turbo
That is some funny stuff.
Posted by: GMR
Usually I just tell them no thank you and hang up. Sometimes, Ill tell them Im very interested in their product, and would like to learn more, then I put the phone done,and go about my business and hang it back up a while later. The ones that are very persistant, Ill try to sell them aluminum siding.
hahahha
